Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
