He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just want nice things and good sex
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
