i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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