why didn't you poke me back
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
