I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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