im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
