He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
