So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
