I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
