i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
