If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
