why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
