Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
