I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
