Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
