I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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