I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
