she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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