i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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