In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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