can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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