I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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