i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
