i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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