And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
