I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
