OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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