white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
