you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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