I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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