apparently the secret to your success is patron
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
NoShamevember. You game?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
