ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
