The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
