I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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