I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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