Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
