3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
