The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
