woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
