How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
