she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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