We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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