I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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