i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
50% drunk capacity currently
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
