been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
