dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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