Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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