After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
