Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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