Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
time to smoke my breakfast
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
