Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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