His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
