alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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