i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
