you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
