I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
