Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize