if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize