I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
40s are totally the cure
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize