I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
