The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I will be naked everywhere
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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