You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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