The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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