u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You need Xanax blowdarts
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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