I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
