you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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