I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
