we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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