Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
