My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
