I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
