All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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