he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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