btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
